holiday is not merely a holiday!!

sooo many things to be done....

grammar: 4 chapters must be completed

essay: 3 drafts

intro: main point

jurnals

tree diagrams

which one should go first??

haish...when everyone can have mind relaxing and body resting....
i have to crack down my thick head to do all of these works done before i go back to s.alam...
if not i will be facing big troubles then....
yeah, i better finish them all...nop! i must finish all of these while i'm still at home....
(i'm a good student, am i?)---- kinda give spirit to myself!!!!!

daa..need to go and do one of those stuff.... =(

experience in life??

Dear bloggy, I do miss ue soo veryyy much.... Sorry, i dont have enough time to update my lovely blog... ~~~~~~~~~~~ there have been soo many things happened in my life..... sadness happiness etc

this is a very touching experienced of mine...

it has been more than a month i did not go home... n this is the first time it happened to me and because of that too, i did call my mom every day just to listen 2 her sweet voice, 2 make sure everything is fine throughout the day....
when its the tyme for me to go home, i was too excited as well as mummy, papa n deq nur...
at first, i was quite upset when the ticket of mine is on saturday morning, not on friday night... haish, what should i do...no more tickets left....hurmmmm
just accept it, oke, fine...the gud thing is, i'm not alone as eppoo is going home with me too... =)

when the day has come....
suddenly, the bus had been delayed for about 45 mins...haish......
still, can control my feelings during that tyme...
be patient...
relax...
calm down..

well....well...well....
during this season, of course we will stuck in a heavy traffic...n, that was what happened to me...aiyyooo

i really have to get home early today.... my family has arranged programmes for us today...
i'm supposed to get home in the evening and straight away we should go to mama long's ouse because she had invited us to go to her ouse for hi-tea because all of us are coming back this chinese new year (its actually normal event for our family when everybody is home).
however,
it was soo sad when at 4pm, i just arrived at merapoh.....haish.....
i dont noe how to do n what to say....
maybe it was a mistake to buy the bus ticket that time...or maybe i should have bought flight ticket n i wont be stucked in the traffic jammed n i can join all the activities together...
(am i that rich to have much money to travel with planes?) hmmmm

from tyme 2 tyme, my phones are never be quite... there were lots of incoming calls which i received from mummy, papa, abear and also him....
seems they all worried about me...

the very big event of the day is....
we're supposed to have our dinner together... mummy said that she was really happy when all of her children will be home this time and she had arranged for us to go out for dinner... (makan besar??)
oke than...
but....
what happened when i'm still not arrived??
everybody had no idea about that.. me too...
everytime they called, i keep on telling that they cannot go out for dinner without me.....
k.lynn said that, they will wait for me no matter what.. thats relieved me...
its at 8.43pm when papa called me and asked where am i that time..
i was still in kuala krai n the traffic was very heavy that made the bus not moving....eeeiii
i still keep on saying the same thing and this made me feel soo very sad...
papa said that they should go first because everything is booked already n we cannot cancelled last minute like that and papa added that we can go some other tyme together... i was screamimg that tyme in the bus...
i noe...
it'll be far away of some other tyme like this...the following day, we had the invitation from c.bi to have dinner in some other place..the next day will be from c.nah and after that there is no more abear n adeq in the ouse because they all will be leaving on tuesday.............

then, from that moment, i started to cry...
drops by drops tears were falling down from my cheek...
it was fortunate because it was already night, so the possibilities of others to see i'm crying is very low...oke---

kringgggggggg
another call from abear...
oke, i picked up the phone...the same question again...where am i??
i was in machang that tyme...
abear was not soo clear about what i'm saying and try to make jokes and i can hear the joyful voice of abear n others.....
i was so frustrated that tyme but i dont noe who to be blamed to......
all i noe was crying and i realize that eppoo was sleeping beside me and that was a good sign, i think...

oke, thats it..
after talked to abear, i chose to put my handphones on the silent mode, put in the pouch and the pouch i put in my handbag......
oke...try to comfort myself...but i cant...still tears rolling down....

when i think i can manage to control myself,
then only i took my handphones back and i found that sooo many missed calls and also text messages from them...
i was already in wkaf che yeh when another incoming call...it was c.nah....
ooo-ho please dont say that mummy n papa also invite all of the uncles, aunties n cousins...
okay, i picked up the phone...same question again n i answered with a very low voice for only 2 words of speech...

then,
at 9.45pm i arrived in front of giant...
after saying goodbye to eppoo
abear called, and i told him i had arrived...
not more than 10 mins, he came to fetch me....
he seems to go to somewhere else and i said to him that its not the way to our home..
he said that mummy n papa is still in the hotel...
ooo-hoo..
please i dont want to go...lets just go home, i'm tired, i want to do something in ladies etc.....
sooo many excuses were given but he just ignored and get the car parked in front of ansar hotel..
from outside i can see a.ngah...hurmmm what is he doing in here at this time??? this is for sure mummy really did invite all of them.......

slowly i walked to the sliding door and suddenly when i stepped in there a very loud music of happy bday song was played....
wooowww!!!
what kind of surprise bday party.....
i've never dream to be treated like this in my whole life....
it seems like i'm in the novel n in the tv...
the moment i got in there, my tears were again rolling down from my cheeks....
i dont noe exactly why i'm crying...
all i noe is, it was very touching when everyone in the hall standing and sing a happy bday song together....i ran to mummy n hugged her and i cried on her shoulder.... after mummy, i went to papa n hugged him and i'm crying again.....waaaa
actually it was shameful when all of my cousins, aunties n uncles were also saw that tragic moment...
furthermore they did record that moment and also captured some photos...haish...
this moment should be happy, not like this...
but i really3 touched with this superb surprise bday party.....
with swallowed eyes i blowed the candles and gave away pieces of cakes to others to have a try....

this moment will always remain in my heart....
tq soo much to all...for the commitment...for the perfect gifts...i really3 appreciate that...
special thanks is owing to beloved mummy n papa... the surprise party was extremely great n it was well-arranged.....

*love u soo much* *my family is the best in the world* (yeah, everyone will note this too for their own family.... =))

----> sorry no pics were captured by me as i'm not in the good mood at first.... all of the pics are still with them--------------

owh!!! one more thing... mummy n papa also did arrange the suprise bday party for abear n deq nur... well... it was belated bdays for me n abear n a birthday in advance for deq nur actually... at first they arrived at the hotel, nothing was unusual..everything seems to be okay... when all of them had got their seats, suddenly a happy bday song was heard... everybody was shocked... and it was for abear... how sweet of that...

while for deq nur.... when all of them enjoying their dishes, the happy bday song again was played and the cake fo her was straight away goes to her place.... very nice, rite... deq nur said, she was nervous that tyme, she did not expect at all that it was for her.. he thought that it was for abear again but suddenly the cake was put in front of her... =)

and finally... it was for me... it seems like it was arranged that i was stucked in the traffic jammed so that everything was going on smoothly... thats what people always said, everything that happened in our life must be something behind of it.. so, whatever it is, we just need to be believe that everything is His fate... we have no rights to cahnge it... all we can do is just pray so that He can lead us to the right path.....

-THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN TO MUMMY N PAPA-
-THANK TO ALL FOR THE GIFTS AND PRESENTS-

reunion???

soo-o happy when we meet our school mates again.... =)
it was an unplanned+on the spot function when around 2o of them decided to continue our discussion+talking+gossiping
in my house...
it was my pleasure to have them all knowing my house although its not that gud....
(ooo-hoo the girls did discover all over my ouse even to the kitchen)
(kinda shamefull)

we first met at onyen's ouse after a very3 long tyme not seeing each other and we'r not supposed to make noise and act childishly at the wedding, aren't we??
hmmm but, the excitement of ourselves are beyond anything....
and thats bring them all back to my ouse...
(ooo hoo its not onyen's wedding but his sister)


at first,
we thought that it'll be the girls' evening
and
fortunately,
the guys also wanted to join us... n it was gud...
heep heep hooray... =)
i was sooo glad to have them all eating fried banana+colek keropok...
ermmmm some of the girls called that hi-tea......ahaks
-yuuu huuuu-

but...
when we all realized it was nearly 7,
all of them decided to say gudbye to my ouse n also to me.....
waaaaa =(
it was very sad when seeing all of them started their car engines and leaving to their ouse.....
but, its oke...
we all did agree to gather again some other day...

place: dont noe yet??
date: dont noe yet??
time: dont noe yet??

--ouhhhooo--
(qim n eppoo please take action bout this)


owh...
not to forget....
one day before yesterday....
we did really enjoy our evening at pcb... ahaaa
but its only 8 of us
we used to call it
girls' evening... =)

*pcians*

*gossiping tyme*


time to go...

daaaa...

p/s: sorry for not make you guys comfortable at my ouse.... feel free to come at anytime, just give me a call yeah.....make urselves at home!!

>>> sorry 4 not uploading many pics...huhu

*its not worth waiting*

some people say that we cannot tooo gay of having a lot of joy as the happiness will soon change into the sadness....
and i think i have to agree with that...
i was really happy yesterday like flying up in the sky...
(met the old frens of mine and we did have all the gossiping)
but at this time
i am really upset like laying down to earth...

*wooosh3*
please go away sadness from my heart...
i hate you...really hate...yes definite hate...




i know......
when it not starts with something good, so the result at the end also will be bad...
like me....
when i first logged in my matrix number and password on esmp..
and when the screen displayed that i typed the wrong matrix number or password...
i already knew...it must be sumthing!!!!
whether my sem 1 exam result is tooo good
or tooo bad....
and today, i get it.....
as expected...
huhuhuuhuu

but its okay...
i deserved what i got...
and i am grateful for my exam result....
huhuuu

p/s: need to go out n have some mind relaxing.......
>>>>note to etty n ama: please cheer me up this evening------

enough is enough

well,
after everything seems to be okay with me n him....
suddenly, there's something going to happen again......
i noe...

OMG....
i dont noe how 2 express my feelings rite now...
(i want but i dont want...)

hurmmm
its difficult....
but i do believe everything is His fate
and
if we'r meant to be together, we'll be together sooner or later...
but,
the problems occurred when we cannot see our future...
we can all just plan something and He is going to decide what is going to happen and what is not.....
so, all we need to do is just pray to Him..
He will listen to our sincere heart...


Sooo..
its enough about it....
i don't want to let my heart control my mind....
so MIEMI please!!!!
let bygone be bygone...
just forget about the past..
its all history...
do focus for ur study...
its more important than thinking to other things rite now...
please don't waste ur time on these kind of stuffs....
-i think i can handle it-

~~~~~~~~~

waaaa

why..why...why...why...why...
its very5 hard to understand a guy....
i thought i already know him better but, actually I'm failed...
how i'm going to face this...
he keeps on denying
n
someone keeps on telling me...
hurmmm
at one point, i thought i noe him better and i should listen to him n trust him...
at one point, i think that the other side is right...
if not, why on earth is that human being telling me all these things??
that's really no point of that creature making up those things...

.......life........
sometimes we are up in the sky...
sometimes we are down to earth...
so many sometimes can make our life colourful...
so many colourful can make our head dizzy...
thinking all the things that we shouldn't...
thinking all the things that we have to...

-waaaa-
i need someone to be by my side...
i need someone to listen to me...
but...
i cant tell this to mummy.. or k.lynn or deq nur...
or anyone else...
if not...
it will ruin everything...
so, better for me to keep this as my secret ever...
owh, my goodness...
i really3 hope that this precious thing gone as soon as possible..
with the right decision i'll make...
with the right way i'll choose..
with the right thing i'll think...

i should get what i should get

life is soo meaningful....
dont noe where to start...but b4 i close my eyes....
i'm 4 sure dat my heart is not in da safe mode.....
whether to trust or not...i dont noe...
all i noe is, i am very8 upset with him........
i dont noe whether the info i got can help me or not....
but...
why, all of a sudden someone comes to me and tells everything bad about him....
i dont noe...i dont noe...n i dont noe........
all the stories told were hit by me.....i was puzzled.....
and again, dont noe what 2 do...
dont noe how 2 take action....
well,
decision-making in life is sooo vry hard 2 do,
especially when it is deal with our mind, heart n soul.....
n of course all of this will bring something in our future and will leave footprints in our hearts... not for a temporary, but maybe permanent......

i realize something....
the closer we are, the more things 2 be argued...
am i 2 perfectionist or picky or fussy?
everything seems difficult 2 be handled...
i bet no one in this world can be 100% trusted, but yet we can trust up to 99% depends on the individuals that we knew..
why all of these come to me?
to tell me that i'm wrong?
or
to tell me that i'm good enough?
all are questions marks......

am i did the wrong things for accepting him in my life?
for giving him 2 stay in my heart?
for giving him the permission to noe me well?
i dont noe.......

sometimes i think that enough is enough...
but sometimes i think that its only hurdles for us in moving on with our lives...
well...
easy 2 say.....
just follow the flow....
but how can i go on with the flow if my heart is in critical room?
i should noe what 2 do so that i can cure my heart back...
but i cant.....
i'll try my best 2 choose the right path in my life...
owh,
please make me strong in handling this
n
i hope i can trust the right people....
i have been lied soo many people, lovers, friends.....
n i'm kinda tired of trusting......

i'm feel sorry to myself...
mybe this is one of the thorn in going through the path that i've chosen...
i'm not asking for sympathy to anyone.......
but i'm writing to feel relieve on my own........

....sorry 4 da harsh words i've thrown....

F.A.M.I.L.Y

Family..family..family...
Sometimes we do quarrel with our family members......
ooops, correction, its not sometimes but, soooo many times...
but, in Malay old folks says that "carik2 bulu ayam lama2 becantum jua"...
yes.......... that's very true....
i don't how to say, but its kinda unique because in a family,
we do not have the same behaviour with the rest of our family members although we were born with a same mom, n we have the same parents,
but still we have the differences among us, even if we're twins....
we ourselves face the difficulties in understanding our own family members... especially our parents.....




*love u all*

well,
when our parents are getting older n older,
they are really3 sensitive in all kinds of thing....
especially when the matter involves their children...
(parents n children always have different kind of thinking because of different kind of generations)
So, as their children, we should not broke their heart whatever it is......
we should understand they are fragile at this time and what we should do is just make them happy and sweep away all their worries....
. when we were young, they took a very good care of us,
like in Malay old folks says "bagai menatang minyak yang penuh"....
They don't even give a mosquito to have a bite of our blood.....
so, we should take care of them like that toooo and even more than what they did to us in the past....
even how good we are to them, we cannot pay back what they had done to us....

for those who still have their parents,
please put a respect and responsibility towards them...
go to them and apologize to them when they are still alive......
please don't be too late because you'll regret for the rest of your life and that time we cannot do anything but crying all the time.............



*love u, mummy*
*love u, papa*

p/s: i'm writing this not to tell u that i'm a good child of my parents, but to motivate me myself as well as all of you who have the time to read this...........

ALWAYS REMEMBER, FAMILY MUST COME FIRST WHATEVER IT IS.....................................