P.A.P.A

when it comes to the blog writing,

it has always being a sad or unhappy entry...

but..

that is me...

i will express my thoughts in the way of writing when it comes to the sadness part...

it will make me feel relieved...

this tyme is all about papa..

i dont noe wat happens to him...

people said that when we are getting older then our behaviour will change and we will be more sensitive..

i can accept that...

but

when this old people acts like something else...

i cant accept that...

he is sooo weird...

i cant even understand him....

all this while,
he will not allowed his children to go for a job during the break...

suddenly this time he did ask me to go n find a job for this 2 months break...

i really3 dont have idea bout that...

before this,

he dont even give his permission for abear to go n work during the break..

this time is obviously that i cant do that..

there are lots of things i need to do during the break:

1. babysit rizq

2. prepare for a.ajay's wedding

that are the 2 big things i need to face..

one more thing that makes me feel bad...

during my final exam...

usually i will text him and tell him that i have paper for the following day...

and i said, "takot la pa, esok subject susah"

he will reply, "xpe, kn dah study, buat stkt yg mampu sj, jgn tension2 bc selawat bnyk2....bla...bla...bla....."

and all the encouraging n motivational words for me

and after the exam, he will ask me about the exam...

whether i can answer it properly or not...

and for my side...

if i cant answer the questions and i found that the questions are really3 tough,

i will straight away call papa right after the exams...

sometimes i cry to him and ask him not to expect too high result from me this time....

however...

all those things are not happened during my final exams recently...

i am just wondering why...

i did text him as usual...

but he replied with not all the encouraging and motivational words anymore...

not even wishing me gud luck and not even asked me how was the exam....

like usual.....

why papa??

is there anything that i did which not comfort you?

please forgive me for that...

if i did not realize wat i've done to you...

PAPA

we are sooo closed..

we shared almost everything together except my love story

(i dont think its the right time to talk to papa for that thing yet)

that makes me feel sooo down when you mad at me...

i think it is just a simple thing..

then,

why u have to mad at me like i'm a bad daughter..i'm a bad girl...

i did everything u've asked me to do..

i've always be nice to you...

when this incident happens,

i feel sooo very sad..

i'm sorry papa if i'm wrong...

but...still..

i cant think it logically when you act like that...

the thing is........

papa is not like always...

he is being weird for these 2, 3 weeks...

somehow i am afraid to talk to him...

we are now have less conversations...

i think it is better..

if i talk and make things more complicated..

then there are no purpose of conversing....

whatever it is

I LOVE PAPA

sooo very much

without him

i am nowhere in this world

*hope everything will be okay*